he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
how does that bad decision feel?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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