Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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