so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
