She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
