did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
