she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
