CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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