Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
