im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
