So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
