You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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