Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
