i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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