Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
