i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
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To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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