I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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