i think my mom watched the whole time
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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