So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
