The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
jump out the window naked night went bad
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
