mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
