he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
