Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
