WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
