i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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