i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
