Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
