i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
