Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
