he puts the penis in happiness.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
