Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I know her cup size but not her name....
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
