WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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