I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
