So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
