i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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