bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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