my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
