dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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