The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
