sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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