Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it's great music for shaving your balls
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
