i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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