I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
