Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
