K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize