Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
