Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
