even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
