college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
