Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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