he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
