you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
