So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
