she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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