The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
