I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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