My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
