Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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