The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
