his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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