i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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