Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I cannot find my penis.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
