Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Buhtt sex?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
