just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
