marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
