i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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