sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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