My first STD was from a foam party
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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