Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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