come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
