You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
