There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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