i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
