I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
