I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
