The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
