Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
