i barfeds in our rink
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
