there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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