Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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