So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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