I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
